Happy marriage at its core is a life of joyful infinite play in conversation
Can I maintain joyful ‘infinite play’ in conversation with my partner?
Marriage—in fact, probably any long-lasting relationship—is, in essence, about our ability to engage in a very long, never-boring conversation with our partner.
The core question to ask (and outcome to work towards) should be: “Do I have and will I continue to have interesting, engaging, and joyful conversations with this partner?”
Looking at James Carse's work, one could also phrase it as: “Can I maintain joyful ‘infinite play’ in conversation with my partner?”
In “Human – All-Too-Human”, Nietzsche wrote about marriage1:
406,
MARRIAGE AS A LONG TALK—In entering on a marriage one should ask one’s self the question, “Do you think you will pass your time well with this woman till your old age?” All else in marriage is transitory ; talk, however, occupies most of the time of the association.2
This reminded me of
’s brief note about the secret to a happy marriage, which nicely made that point, too:I think this beautifully illustrates the essence of “infinite play” in their conversations, a key concept James Carse explored in “Finite and Infinite Games”:3
Infinite players are not serious actors in any story, but the joyful poets of a story that continues to originate what they cannot finish.
Nietzsche, Friedrich Wilhelm. Human - All-Too-Human: A Book for Free Spirits. Translated by Helen Zimmern. London: George Allen And Unwin Ltd., 1924.
Carse, James P. 1986. Finite and Infinite Games: A Vision of Life as Play and Possibility. Ballantine Books.